Ten things to support the menopause journey
I qualified (with distinction no less) as a coach around 20 years ago, gaining credits in personal coaching and advanced coaching. I have continued to grow and increase my skills training in many modalities and continuing CPD for coaching. Since becoming (and realising) I was in the throes of menopause I became certified as a menopause coach.
The doctors thought it was stress from Covid lockdowns, then grief, then depression, but nah, it was just my body doing what it does naturally and, of course, is designed to do.
So here you go, my first article around menopause and I created a list. A list of 10 Things that can improve a woman's life during, before and after menopause, according to Elaine Mitchell, coach, hypnotherapist, EFT practitioner, Reiki master teacher and oh yes, certified menopause coach. I got there in the end.
Menopause Camps
But before I start with the list, let's break down the menopause camps as I see them…
Now this may come across as a little tongue-in-cheek for such a serious subject. The way I see it, we may lose our libido, confidence and oestrogen, but we don’t have to lose our sense of humour as well. Do we?
It's fine to switch from camp to camp; the menopause is anything but predictable, and it’s a woman's prerogative to change her mind - I know for sure I wish I could change my mind to the one I had a decade ago.
It’s getting hot in here.
You are a blazing, burning inferno of hormones that has left your body a limp, hot, wet furnace, and your partner now understands how hot you are in bed, but alas, it is not in the way they imagined. That's likely fine; their back may have given out last Tuesday evening when they got out of the car. Bedroom activities may not be as spontaneous or energetic as they were a few years ago, but hey, flexibility is overrated, isn’t it?
Your recall has gone walkabout, and you have no idea why you recently called a cupcake a potato in the staff room, in front of your much, much younger colleagues. You have no idea who is looking back at you in the mirror. Because you certainly did not order those dark hairs sprouting from your chin and the occasional unbelievably long one on your neck, of all places. We won’t even begin to talk about that grey wire hair that has a life of its own in your eyebrow. I think we can all agree, ladies, the car vanity mirror is placed at just the right angle and distance for perfect car park plucking. Here is a bonus tip: keep a pair of emergency tweezers in the glove compartment.
On the subject of hair, you long for the heady days of big waves and 80’s volume that has now been replaced by thinning, weak, almost translucent strands that no end of body-building shampoo can encourage into anything resembling the tousled mane of years gone by. You creak, and you have no idea how that happened at all, sometimes getting out of bed can be considered an Olympic sport. You have no idea what happened to your confidence; you are not so sure about driving in the dark or going to new places. You don’t want to apply for that promotion, you aren’t sure how to cope in an interview if a flush arrived or you couldn’t find your words, plus the interviewing panel would be around 15 years younger than you. Yes, menopause did you dirty. You are exhausted, and getting support sometimes feels like an uphill battle. And did I say you have no idea how it all happened so quickly - you weren’t prepared.
What’s all the fuss about?
It’s just a bit of a storm in a teacup; there's no need to hang around feeling sorry for ourselves. Hormones come, hormones go, the odd teeny tiny bit of brain fog, maybe a temperature shift here and there, but nothing much to see here; move on, ladies. It has been happening since Eve took that bite of the apple, and our mothers and grandmothers just got on with it, no problem. There was no one talking about it in the past, just like no one spoke about periods, infertility, or pregnancy back in the day. We don’t need celebrities talking about it, let alone our parents, thank you very much. Nope, it’s just nature, and I am doing OK, thanks. What is all the fuss about? Let's move on through this transition with ease and flow. I counter those thoughts- yes, some women will ease through with no real issues, and I celebrate that. There is, however, a need for the conversations, support and celebs doing their thing too. Offering support to those in need and raising awareness for the future and, of course, families and loved ones of those approaching or in menopause.
Am I really that old?
Surely the 80’s were only a decade ago! Ahh, maybe that is the brain fog they all talk about. No, not affected at all. It was just a fluke that you forgot the car had a push-button ignition and had to ring hubby up for the breakdown details. When he asked what happens when you press the button? You realise you never pressed the button because you forgot the bloody button existed. But it had been very hot at work, and you had possibly referred to a cupcake as a potato. The hot flashes your friends experience don’t really trouble you. Yes, you are sometimes warm, but it’s not as debilitating as it is for some of your friends. You may forget things, but that's no surprise, as you have so much on: work, family, caring, friendships and all the adulting that seems to fall on your shoulders. How about the little things that irritate?
The Sahara Desert in your lady garden. If the mood arose, it would be nice not to be reminded that you need a little help to get things running smoothly.
The lack of libido - Oh yeah, that’s because the 90’s really wasn’t a decade ago.
The irritability, but that is just because you have a lot on. And why oh why do people breathe so loudly!?
The bloating! Are you pregnant? Then you remember, oh no, that ship has passed.
The feeling of loneliness, isolated but not wanting to socialise.
The frustration that everything takes so long. Yet the world is so fast-moving.
The passwords - who remembers them anyway?
The itchy ears - What on earth is that all about?
And the list goes on, random, sometimes laughable, many times frustrating and often just a shrug of the shoulders met with the thought that’s new. It’s not denial; it’s more a frustration and disbelief that you feel like this so soon after being a teenager.
In all seriousness, nothing is really that bad, but nothing is really that great either, so you just get on with daily life, sometimes surprised that you can get up off the floor unaided, sometimes floored by the anxiety that just appeared out of nowhere.
I have compiled this list for all the perimenopausal, menopausal and post-menopausal women out there. It comes with love from a woman who resides firmly in the Am I really that old category. I can personally vouch for each point on the list. Just like in the final of the great talent shows, they come in no particular order.
10 Things that can improve your life as a menopausal woman.
Friendships and connections. It could be your ride or die, the friend who held your hair back whilst you were speaking to God via that big white telephone at your favourite nightclub back in the day. You have seen the best and the worst versions of each other and witnessed all life has thrown at you both. I consider myself lucky to have one of those friendships in my life.The others are important too. The friends that you meet at work and share the office gossip with. The ones that are so much younger than you, yet you don’t notice when you are part of a team and share a joke in the WhatsApp group. They keep you on your toes and may refer to you as their work mum; you wouldn’t have it any other way. Don’t forget the online friendships; sometimes the lines are blurred, you think you have met someone, but then realise you only know them in the online world. Those connections are just as important and can offer so much support in your world, especially if you're missing the friend who held your hair back all those years ago. That is why I created the Inspiring Women Facebook group for women to connect, comment, laugh, feel supported, and find inspiration with and from each other regardless of age. Because we are all inspiring in our own way, aren’t we?
Join Inspiring Women - You will be most welcome Hypnotherapy. A study at Beyler University in Texas found that spending 20 minutes per day listening to recorded hypnosis reduced symptoms such as sudden warmth, sweating and heart palpitations by more than half in six weeks with a 90% success rate compared to 64% in the control group. Hypnotherapy and EFT (tapping) are my go-to resources for all things emotional and physical. I use them weekly and in all areas of my life. When I read the details of the study, I was blown away, and I will be creating some resources to support this.
Cold Water Swimming or dipping. Yes, I’m a proud woolly hat water wearer. I love the feeling of being in the cold water. It brings peace and tranquillity. I sleep so wonderfully after a dip, and my mood calms down. It’s super exhilarating. I swim with a group at a local park, but also love to be alone in the water, a time to collect my thoughts and be. The University College of London found that menopausal women who swim regularly report improvements in both physical and psychological menopause symptoms. Nearly 47% of women surveyed in the UCL study reported an anxiety reduction. Participants also noted improvements in mood swings (34.5%), low mood (31.1%), and depression (28%). The connection when swimming with a group is nurturing, and the coffee and biscuits afterwards tick the box for point one, as friendships are built. Do we care that our costumes have seen better days, and people may think that the duck on the end of our tow float is a bit childish? Absolutely not!
Heat. I also love the heat of a sauna or a steam room. There are many benefits to using a sauna, and they are accessible now from at-home set-ups and infrared sauna blankets to most towns and cities having an accessible sauna space. When used regularly, a sauna can support hormone balance, cardiovascular health, skin health, and improve sleep. Not forgetting it’s great for stress reduction. There is also a wonderful social element of group sauna and cold dips, which are popping up all over the UK. I recently tried a sauna and sea experience with my sister, a wonderfully relaxing experience combined with a walk on the beach afterwards.
Sleep. Sleep can become problematic when we reach perimenopause and beyond. The reduction in hormones, especially oestrogen, can cause many issues for women and their sleep patterns. Sleep patterns become disturbed, and the hot flashes during the night are debilitating, often causing a change of bedclothes or nightwear. Restless legs and sleep apnoea cases all increase during perimenopause and menopause. The Sleep Charity can provide support and help in all areas of sleep. I also work with the Sleep Charity and so can offer support and knowledge relating to sleep too.
Strength. We are strong; we have bleeds sometimes debilitating and crippling, we give birth, we deal with all manner of emotional and physical challenges. We “get on with it” When I look at my family history, hip and knee replacements, falls, thinning skin and lack of strength leading to a shuffle walk and simple tasks needing support and aids. I decided I wanted to stave off those days as long as I possibly could. I now work on my strength, and I will admit I am late to the party of strength training, but I love it. Our muscle mass and bone density decline as we age, as oestrogen and testosterone decline. Seeing an average of 0.8% yearly reduction in muscle mass and up to 20% in bone density as a result of menopause, the loss in density increases the earlier the menopause.
Curiosity. Be curious, ask questions, research what works for you around your menopause journey. Someone I follow and have a real interest in is Dr Mindy Pelz, author, podcaster and font of knowledge when it comes to menopause and resetting the hormonal balance in our lives, from fasting to seeds and everything in between. I recommend her books Fast Like a Girl and The Menopause Reset. She hosts live broadcasts and often appears as a guest on other health podcasts. I am curious about my personal health, vitality and wellbeing. What are you curious about?
Seasonal living. Women are cyclical beings - we have or had cycles that often aligned with the moon. Curious? See Mindy Peltz above; she will explain.Align to your circadian rhythm it is around 24 hours and 20 minutes slower than the 24 hour clock we are ruled by – Deeper than that, the seasons have different daylight times and rhythms can you become aligned to the energies of the seasons I have found less stress and more enjoyment when I am aligned to the season we are in stepping into allowance rather than fighting against the natural body clock.Winter, the book Wintering by Katherine May, is her account of a difficult time in life, forced into a season of Wintering. Winter is the season to rest and retreat.Spring brings such hope and freshness, as stunning blossoms bloom and new growth from the depths of winter. Spring brings a new awareness and hope, putting that spring in the step. Summer brings long, heady days; cares can dissolve as there is more energy to share, and we can feel lighter and brighter. More time to socialise and collect together.Autumn, the crisp, clear mornings, the bright blue sky and the stunning hues as leaves prepare to drop. We prepare to slow down, but there is still energy there fuelled by brisk morning walks and fresh air. Autumn sees the harvest, the gathering and preparation for the shorter days. Along with time to shed that which does not serve.Menopause could be seen as the Autumn of life, a time of reflection, shedding that which does not serve. Maybe we are not so forgiving and don’t have time for those who do not respect us or align with our values. We realise that we are in the latter part of our natural life cycle. Time to shed and release that which does not serve?
Self-love Be unapologetically you.We are told from an early age, by our elders, parents, teachers, the media and of course, the patriarchy, to be small, put others before our own needs and certainly only pay lip service to self-care. When it is more about how we look rather than how we feel and show up in the world. We all deserve to show up as ourselves. But if we have had our essence closed down, hidden or diminished. Then where do we start? Self Care to Self Love is a free email course that will bring you a daily email, a note of inspiration, and an action to help raise your essence and become more of who you are. Showing your authentic self to the world and taking up the space that is your birthright. The course is developed by me for you with love.
Acceptance. It doesn’t mean defeat. Acceptance means empowerment, self-awareness and knowing yourself completely. Making decisions that support you to become more of who you are, standing in your power. There is no better place to stand as we rise to become our most valid advocate. I avoid the term becoming the best version of yourself. That implies we are unable to accept where we are now, and are looking externally for validation. Becoming self-aware and accepting of ourselves allows us to look inside, and be more of who we are, showing the world our value, our wisdom and our personal strength as we journey through this season of our life.
There it is.
My list. Not extensive or complete by any means. Every time I work with women, and the menopause is mentioned, something else will crop up that I have maybe not thought about or recognised. We can discuss workarounds and support ourselves as we embrace the Autumn season of our lives. Shedding that which does not serve and embracing those beautiful hues of the season and every element that comes with it. I would love to hear your thoughts below relating to 10 points and also which camp you are in on your menopause journey.
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