Just Checking

I think about my lovely mum a lot when there is a football tournament on TV. It is currently the closing stages of the World Cup. She loved to watch football, except for Manchester United.

With David Beckham watching from the stands, as expected, his presence is shown on the screen; I can imagine her saying, “Oh, there he is again, big head” Personally, I quite like his head and the rest of him, but I digress. Every time he is on screen, I hear her disdain in my head. 

Just Checking

Mum would call me almost daily before she was taken by dementia and no longer able to use the phone; she would call and say. “It’s only me, Elaine - Just checking” I miss those calls. 

There was nothing in particular to say to each other, as we saw each other virtually every day anyway. We were just checking in. 

Hearing each other’s voices brought alignment, softness and regulation to our nervous systems. Sometimes anxiety levels were raised, and there was stress and worry. But for the most part, there was a softening and regulation of the nervous system.

Just Checking

I didn’t know it at the time – as I didn’t have the knowledge I have now around the mind-body connection – and the important role of the nervous system. Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. Parasympathetic and Sympathetic nervous system. Each time we “just checked in”, we were doing a little scan of our mind and body. Mostly unconsciously, but the command was there – to check in.  My subconscious duly obliged and checked in to ensure alignment and awareness of how and where I was.

Now, with the knowledge and personal growth I have gained over the 12 years since our last just checking call, I will check in several times per day.

Checking in to make sure I have a sleep routine (not happening at the moment with the World Cup), ensuring I get out in nature, I breathe and move. I am lightened each day by laughter, fun or music. I can recognise when I am entering fight-or-flight, often many times per day; I can get myself out of that state. I understand that we are wired to be triggered; it is about self-preservation. From our ancestors, it is in our genetics to be startled, triggered and feel stress levels increase. The tingling of the palms, the hairs prickling, and my heart beginning to race. With the knowledge and skills I’ve developed, I can gently ease my way back into parasympathetic rest-and-digest, creating clarity and calm.

When working with clients

I check continuously throughout our session.

How does that sit with you? What does that feel like? What is going on right now? And my favourite: let’s just check in. 

All indicators for the client to notice how and what they are experiencing and feeling within. Checking in helps clients to gain an understanding of their nervous system and ultimately recognise that change can occur with the right set of tools and encouragement. 

For an easy way to "check in" try this routine

Sit or lie in a comfortable position.

• Close your eyes or create a soft gaze

• Turn your focus to your breath.

• Breathe in for a count of four

• Breathe out for a count of six

• Repeat 3 x

As your breath returns to its normal pace, bring your attention to your body. Scan with your mind from your head down to your feet and back up again, noticing any areas where you are holding tension, and breathe into that area or imagine a colour that relates to what you are feeling.

To soothe that area, do you need to change the colour?

Focus your breath there for a short while.

Breathe that supportive colour into that area and move on when you feel it soothing.

Once you have completed the body scan.

Bring your attention to your breath once more

Open your eyes and notice how you feel.

Lighter, calmer, more understanding of your emotions and physicality?

For a quick way to chack in

Ask yourself.

How am I feeling right now?

Just like my mum's calls, your subconscious will answer the command and check in. Having the awareness of any activation of your sympathetic system supports and makes the transition towards parasympathetic easier.

We often flit between the two many times per day, or we can stay in that heightened sympathetic state of anxiety and stress building in our bodies. This causes stressors in circumstances that do not warrant the reactions. Once the stress levels are activated, it is easy to stay there as it becomes the norm. By paying attention, noticing the stressors and the toll on our physical and mental bodies, we can begin to make changes to support our nervous system, mind, body and soul. With practice, we can create calm and clarity even in challenging times by using tools and techniques to restore the parasympathetic system.

When I work with clients, this awareness is the starting point in getting them through tough times and challenges, understanding that a quick check-in is easier on the nervous system.  This in turn supports our mental health and overall wellbeing. 

Stress does not hang around an aligned nervous system. It has no power to debilitate the host. 

Checking in is the first step.

When will you "just check in"?

For a free guided check-in recording, click here